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Stories
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"Stories"

© 2010 Joyce A. Kovelman, Ph.D., Ph.D.

 

 

Everyone has a story. Indeed, every life is one's own story. Even the way we share who we are reflects the shape and patternings of our world. For we can only see and understand the world through our own eyes and ears. No one else's will do.

 

But how to tell your story? Will you share your journey with a smile, with tears, or with anger and regret? Are you the victim or the hero of your earthly drama in space and time, or merely a detached bystander watching from afar? Have you buried the one you wanted to be in order to meet the needs of others? Does it make any difference which who you are?

 

Is your journey easy or has it become an odyssey of epic proportions? Did you ever glimpse the storms and the challenges awaiting, or did they somehow occur out of no-where and no-when? Are there surprises as well as twists and turns?

Next, consider who the supporting players are in your life. Are they really supporting you? What do they add or subtract from your personhood and your life? Do you still want to hang around with them? Where do you want to go, and who do you want to become during the next weeks and months ahead?

 

My life has been one of extreme highs and lows, filled with great intensities and challenges. I was born an identical twin, something which brought much attention as well as confusion. I wondered why grown-ups couldn't tell who was who, and how I could ever be sure I was still Joyce. This worry stayed with me, propelling me toward selfhood and early individuation from both my parents and my twin. I married early, left my home city, moved to California and gave birth to four children. My days were filled with ordinary chores, and the problems and joys of raising a large family.

 

And I became Mother to my own set of fraternal twins, a boy and a girl, and again questions of identity loomed large. I occasionally experienced non-ordinary states of awareness and knew from miles away when my twin or any of my children were indisposed and needed to make contact with me. I was learning that there was a richness and texture to our reality that most people never suspected.

 

My husband earned a good living, the children were rapidly growing up, and so I decided to return to school. When I began my studies, I expected to be in college for only four years. Little did I know, that I would be a student over the next 17 years, earn two Ph.D.'s and teach in a prestigious medical school. Nor did I know that I was to become the first older woman with a family to be accepted into the neurosciences. Nor did I believe that I would also become a psychologist and have my own practice. How this path came into being is still very much a puzzle to me. To be enfolded within such a magical journey of discovery and accomplishment still fills me with awe and gratitude.

As my children grew, my husband and I gradually began to drift apart. For many years we chose to stay together. And then one day, a voice and a trauma insisted that it was time to leave. My Soul was insisting that it was time to go. Still, I hesitated, filled with fear and guilt. And then another day arrived with circumstances and stress that took over my life. Now, I knew with certainty that it was time to leave.

 

Spirit is calling to me and I must follow. But where do we go? What will we do? Where does this new pathway lead? Can I just say, "No?" I've already set forth upon this new path, and now travel with a curious mixture of relief, sadness, trepidation and joy. There is no turning back. I know not whence I go, only that I must heed this soulful call.

 

What will the next chapter of my story bring? Will it be filled with happiness or pain? Will I reach the destination that calls out to me, or simply stop along the way? I do not yet know what story is speaking through me or guiding my way. I only know that I must follow spirit's call, trusting in this greater wisdom to guide me through dark and stormy terrain, as well as to the moments of sunshine and grace that will surely follow.

 

***

 

Please write to me and tell me about your own journey. Share with me the ways you own story unfolds. And Yes, I promise to send you postcards along the way, sharing my story from new vistas and new horizons in this marvelous epic called Life. For I believe that I have embarked upon a journey of a lifetime, one that will allow me to embrace my Soul.

 

Joyce

 
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